I forget, did I mention my set back a few weeks ago? I think I did, and the fact that I just wanted to give up trying to rehab my brain. Yesterday was the Fourth of July. I don't begrudge anyone their fireworks, sparklers etc., however, for me it is the longest night after New Year's Eve.
I shared a Facebook post yesterday, it showed a vet standing with a sign saying something like, please be considerate of you local vets when using your fireworks today. People don't think about the effects it would have on any military veteran, they may be living with Post Traumatic Stress and fireworks could bring flash backs and cause tremendous stress. Well, that is true for me too. I was sitting on my patio with family and the first firework went off, of course we were all caught of guard, but hey, it's the Fourth of July so our conversation kept going. Then the second one, uh oh, my brain went into shutdown mode. I lost concentration and my brain's processing skills started to shut down. My speech began to slur and my family gave up the pleasant evening on the patio to go inside so I could still visit with them.
My husband's cousin Terri was visiting with her husband Keith and their son Miles. Terri is a physician and she immediately noticed the effects because I was talking to her and my speech went slurry. The look of slight fear, yet love on their faces meant a lot to me, I was trying to push my way through the noise so we could enjoy being outside, it just didn't work and they were not going to allow me to regress for something that could easily be stopped by just going inside away from the noise. I offered to get my earplugs so we could stay out there, but each time a "pop" went off I got worse.
One minute I appear to be just like everyone else and the next minute, because of a noise, my brain went into shutdown mode. For Terri and her family I believe it shocked them how quickly it happened. The positive note is that once we got inside within a few minutes I was okay. She was complimenting me on how much better I looked from the last time they saw me, and then she saw how quickly things can go wrong.
Yes, I have recovered so very much and I am grateful I was able to work hard to achieve this level of functionality. (is that a word?) I also understand how quickly I can lose it. So what do you say when people say you are doing so well, especially since the last time I saw you?( that's a killer statement too, because gee, how bad was I the last time I saw you? Or, I might not even remember when I saw you last!) For all you know I just spent 3 days sleeping and doing nothing that required concentration because a smoke alarm went off and I didn't even know what "Cheryl, let's sit down right here", meant? I don't even know where that last sentence started and so forget about the correct grammar. Note: this is intended especially for my daughter the English Major who is probably the only one who reads these since she was the one who encouraged me to write down my thoughts. I don't think she will read this one thought, because is studying abroad and has other more fun things to do.
Well, I got up early this morning to check my son in for his trip tomorrow then something told me to jot down a few thoughts. Now you have the benefit of my ramblings and what I wanted you to know. If you take away anything I hope it is to just be considerate of others if you know they are living with some condition that is invisible and you know some of your actions, loud music, fireworks etc. may cause them problems. I had a neighbor that got "pissed" her word not mine New Year's Eve because she said we asked her to turn her music down. Okay, neither my husband nor I remember calling their house and complaining yet she and her husband harbored that anger for six months, really? They know my struggles, hell she took me to the hospital from the side of the road. And you know what? Her damn music was probably too loud if she says someone, oh wait me, called and asked for it to be turned down. This is a quiet neighborhood, people have parties with music, if you want to blast it use the lodge we have available. Seniors live all around both of our houses bet they didn't want to hear it either. So, thank you to whoever called and asked them to turn the music down because I probably wanted to and Darren stopped me. I think she said they had it on inside and after midnight they put it on outside too.
Lost my train of thought, I was just going to sign off and quit writing. I think after I spell check I will post this blog, I hope it gives someone food for thought.
