Here I sit with Midnight. I know his final time on this earth is near. I can't find my blogger account, I wanted something to occupy my mind. He is starting to get agitated. My eyes are tearing. I plan to bathe him because I want to make sure he doesn't smell like the bed he is on. He has lost control of his bodily functions and I keep putting clean items down for him so he is comfortable. In honoring Harrison's wish to have him at home I realize I am the one who will suffer. We thought he might go in the night while everyone was asleep, however, he is a trooper and stubborn. Just like when he was healthy. Yesterday when Harrison came home, he saw him and said maybe he should go to the vet now, but we decided it was too late and we had to complete this process allowing him to stay home in a familiar place. He looks for me when I pass by, which is why I made a cup of tea and decided to just sit in the room with him. He was my shadow and watched over me when I wasn't well and I will return the favor no matter how difficult it is for me to see him try to hold on with me. I am typing with one finger because he will put his head or his paw by my hand or try to move his body, lift his head towards me. I don't want him to die alone, but, I wonder if I leave if he will stop trying to hang on. What do I do? I just told him I loved him and to take a deep breath and let go. Still he looks for MaMa. I will stay here all day if he needs me. I found a red handkerchief with bones on it that I know someone put on him after a bath, I may put that on him too after I wipe him off. He is laying in towels that I keep changing because the urine keeps soaking through, I can't let him leave me smelling like urine. This is very hard. I am glad the kids are not here. I don't think Darren realizes how emotional it is, I know we went through the loss of both of his parents and boy was that painful. This is the loss of a pet who met you happily at the door because he heard the garage door go up, who ran with you, who let you know if someone was coming near the yard, who when I was home alone and sick would lay across the door as if to say you must get through me to get to her. Yes he and his sister tore up my garden! Chewed furniture as puppies, but, we received so many compliments about what good dogs they are and how well trained. So yes, he is a dog, but not JUST a dog, he is my shadow, my friend, protector and my teacher. He taught patience truly is a virtue and what unconditional love means. I will sit here and sit here and sit here because I have unconditional love for him because of him. I played songs for Midnight. You've run your last race my friend. Thanks for helping us train for all of the 5ks, 10ks, half marathons and marathons. Long distance running was your favorite thing to do. You would just tuck in on pace at our sides, off leash, and run. We knew you enjoyed it because we tired before you did. We gave you the happiest life we knew how to give and now I will be with you until the end. Others may feel differently. However, the decision was made and here we are listening to Chicago, Elton John, Fourplay, Carly Simon (lovin' you is the right thing), Carole King (you've got a friend), whatever else comes to mind. Oh, piano music is comforting too. You've got your nose under the bed as if to sniff for Harrison just one last time, he will be happy to hear that. I couldn't help you get better, I tried. I hand fed you when you couldn't close your lower jaw and the vet didn't know what to do. We got you back to good health. Nothing worked this time, not medication, not homeopathic tries nothing. After 10 fun years I had to stop trying. One of my last acts of loves was to cuddle with you in the recliner and you ate one of my coconut crackers. I'm glad we shared that treat together. It came in packs of two, you ate one and I ate the other. Find peace my wonderful canine child. Princess has not been in here since she left to have her breakfast. Hmm, what do animals know? I see you are in pain now, I hurt with you. My back and bottom will pay for the hours I've sat here since around 10am. It is all worth it for you Midnight died today at 1:59pm. He was not alone. I was holding his paw. I can't believe he is gone. No more "Mr. Magic" for me. You're My Best Friend - Queen I was playing Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion, silly, huh? No more struggles or pain, Buddy. That is what Harrison called you. He will miss you so much I can't imagine how he will feel or what he will do when I tell him. Well. Now I am going to get you off of this soiled bed and wipe you down so you will smell better and then I will wrap you in your sister's bed. Rest now my Shadow. Rest in peace. - Mommy
Friday, January 31, 2014
On this day we lost our best friend, Midnight King, our beautiful black Labrador Retriever
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Our dog Midnight is sick, very sick. Any day he may die. It seems we all either wake up each morning or come in from being away from home and hope 2 dogs greet us at the door, one of them being him of course.
We've had Midnight and his sister Princess for 10 years now, they are litter mates and have never been separated. This will be hard not only for us, but for Princess as well. I don't consider Princess as one to grieve and that will be my mistake because right now she is still the impatient dog with ADHD that she has always been. Her brother is skin and bones, can't eat and barely walks, yet she will push past him for us to pet her, knocking him down in the process. He was always the Alpha dog outside and inside always stayed where he could see all entry points into the house. In fact he still does even though it is difficult for him to get up and great you, or stop you, but, he will bark. He is the lovable black lab that does, or when he could do, the silly dog stuff like rolling on his back with sheer joy for reasons we didn't understand, steal his sisters favorite ball or do the "sad face" on your knee for you to pet him.
His face is sad now, sometimes there is that shimmer of happiness which gives us hope, but we know the end is near. I thought after all the vet visits and medication we could find the problem and fix it, sometimes you just have to let nature take its course. I don't want to, but, I will. My son is being very mature about this, you see Midnight is his dog and when he first started vomiting up his food he insisted we take him to the vet. He even had to take him by himself when we were out of town and things didn't look so good. We are letting him make the decision about how Midnight transitions out of this life. I told him he could choose when we take him to the vet or let Midnight stay at home. He wants him home, and even as we see him getting weaker and weaker, Harrison is strong in his conviction that his puppa will be at home when his time comes.
I think we will find that Midnight will go to sleep and not wake up. That is my hope. He is not in any pain and actually acts as normal as he can given his condition. With all of the snow and the freezing temperatures he still wants to go outside and stays out for quite awhile until he comes back to the door to be let inside. Now sometimes we have to find him because he looks lost, and sometimes we have to help him up the steps, but other times he walks up the steps and past us looking at us as if to say, "why are you staring at me?" and then goes and lays on the rug surveying his kingdom!
We love him, Dad, Mom Lauren and Harrison and it is hard to watch his demise. I know it is hard for Lauren since she is away at college, I bet she dreads our texts worrying that we may have to tell her about "Mr. Magic", my nickname for him. At no point will it be easy, but knowing the we loved him with all of our hearts and always want the best for him gives us comfort.
Someday soon, because he is not eating, he will not wake up from his nap. It will be a very sad day for us and many of our friends. We will remember the best times with Midnight.
I will always remember the day this summer when I took both dogs on the bike path in my convertible, top down and enjoyed a good run. We stopped at the drug store on the way home and the dogs just watched the people go into the store and made no move to jump out of the car, nor did they bark at anyone.They were enjoying the sunshine and an outing with mom.
His favorite activity was long distance running with us. He and Princess trained with Darren and I for 5k, 10k and Half Marathon runs. He even trained with Darren for a Marathon. The dogs ran 20 miles and still sprinted the last stretch to Mom happy and excited, it was a different story for Dad, but they sure had an adventure! We will be down one training partner this spring, but we have the medals from every race he trained for, they will be our memories.
Being the Mom I am I want to make him well and I know that is not possible. It is very hard to except that because I want to "fix him". He is my shadow, wherever I go he goes. Right now that is what I hold on to keep me from crying. This is only a short story of our Midnight, the black Labrador Retriever purchased at a school auction and a beloved member of our family. He just keeps hanging on, I think he loves us too.
We've had Midnight and his sister Princess for 10 years now, they are litter mates and have never been separated. This will be hard not only for us, but for Princess as well. I don't consider Princess as one to grieve and that will be my mistake because right now she is still the impatient dog with ADHD that she has always been. Her brother is skin and bones, can't eat and barely walks, yet she will push past him for us to pet her, knocking him down in the process. He was always the Alpha dog outside and inside always stayed where he could see all entry points into the house. In fact he still does even though it is difficult for him to get up and great you, or stop you, but, he will bark. He is the lovable black lab that does, or when he could do, the silly dog stuff like rolling on his back with sheer joy for reasons we didn't understand, steal his sisters favorite ball or do the "sad face" on your knee for you to pet him.
His face is sad now, sometimes there is that shimmer of happiness which gives us hope, but we know the end is near. I thought after all the vet visits and medication we could find the problem and fix it, sometimes you just have to let nature take its course. I don't want to, but, I will. My son is being very mature about this, you see Midnight is his dog and when he first started vomiting up his food he insisted we take him to the vet. He even had to take him by himself when we were out of town and things didn't look so good. We are letting him make the decision about how Midnight transitions out of this life. I told him he could choose when we take him to the vet or let Midnight stay at home. He wants him home, and even as we see him getting weaker and weaker, Harrison is strong in his conviction that his puppa will be at home when his time comes.
I think we will find that Midnight will go to sleep and not wake up. That is my hope. He is not in any pain and actually acts as normal as he can given his condition. With all of the snow and the freezing temperatures he still wants to go outside and stays out for quite awhile until he comes back to the door to be let inside. Now sometimes we have to find him because he looks lost, and sometimes we have to help him up the steps, but other times he walks up the steps and past us looking at us as if to say, "why are you staring at me?" and then goes and lays on the rug surveying his kingdom!
We love him, Dad, Mom Lauren and Harrison and it is hard to watch his demise. I know it is hard for Lauren since she is away at college, I bet she dreads our texts worrying that we may have to tell her about "Mr. Magic", my nickname for him. At no point will it be easy, but knowing the we loved him with all of our hearts and always want the best for him gives us comfort.
Someday soon, because he is not eating, he will not wake up from his nap. It will be a very sad day for us and many of our friends. We will remember the best times with Midnight.
I will always remember the day this summer when I took both dogs on the bike path in my convertible, top down and enjoyed a good run. We stopped at the drug store on the way home and the dogs just watched the people go into the store and made no move to jump out of the car, nor did they bark at anyone.They were enjoying the sunshine and an outing with mom.
His favorite activity was long distance running with us. He and Princess trained with Darren and I for 5k, 10k and Half Marathon runs. He even trained with Darren for a Marathon. The dogs ran 20 miles and still sprinted the last stretch to Mom happy and excited, it was a different story for Dad, but they sure had an adventure! We will be down one training partner this spring, but we have the medals from every race he trained for, they will be our memories.
Being the Mom I am I want to make him well and I know that is not possible. It is very hard to except that because I want to "fix him". He is my shadow, wherever I go he goes. Right now that is what I hold on to keep me from crying. This is only a short story of our Midnight, the black Labrador Retriever purchased at a school auction and a beloved member of our family. He just keeps hanging on, I think he loves us too.
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